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The Harry Potter Letter

Clark Quote's

• " I may suck at everything I do, but at least I don't quit"
   

• " I don't do things I am not good at.  That's why I don't skateboard."
   

• "I never joke about nuclear war."
   

• "She was kissing me all over my neck last night.  I wonder if she wanted to go home with me?"
   

• " That's Okay.  Sorry your girlfriend is a slut"
   

• "Smashing Pumpkins might be the worst band to do Karaoke to."
   

• "There goes my theory she will date anyone."
   

• "Most people would think that's it a bad ideal to have a bounty hunter guard your money."
   

• "I was drunk but I still knew what was going on.  I mean I am a Jedi."
   

• "The worst part about being a Ninja is you have no pockets."
   

• "Its a good thing you work in Walker.  Baton Rouge would probably only be hit with a small tactical nuclear warhead, ensuring your survival"
   

• "I feel like doing cartwheels right now"
   

• "I better put deodorant on.  Their are going to be girls riding with us"
   

• "She wants to have two children, I want to have four.  It might not work out"
   

• "Please don't touch me.  I will throw up."
   

• "I am the best looking man in a tux"
   

• "If I knew anything about girls, the last two years could have been a lot of fun."
   

• "Brents not a fighter.  I am mean  he still likes war."
   

• "I save the world, I don't fight crime. There is a difference."
   

• "Craig, does wearing this shirt make me a metrosexual?"
   

• " I don't smoke but I try to watch what I eat."
   

• "All right, lets see if the Aztecs want to make peace with me."
   

• "I did not realize Outkast had so many songs that I liked."
   

• "I am sorry about that.  Now I am going to lay out."
   

• " I can't buy any shirts right now, I don't know if they will meet Sandy's approval."
   

• "I wonder if anti pasta can destroy pasta?
   

• "People who make songs about facts should be beaten up"
   

• "If you make a good pot of chili and then put it on a hotdog, I'll stab you with a fork!"
   

• "I need to get a haircut, I look like an 80's rocker."
   

• "All these girls were checking me out, while I plunged a toilet.
   

• "I am glad I lost weight.  I look pretty good in this cheerleading outfit."
   

• "Guys have two types of friends that are girls.  Ugly ones and ones they try to sleep with."
   

• "I am going to keep being a moron for awhile."
   

• "By the time I return from class, my armies will be ready to go to war."
   

• "My mouth can take a lot more then my ass can."
   

• "I love Italian dressing, but for some reason, I never order it at restaurants."
   

• "This guy said he accidentally attacked me without knowing that I was in a war.  He told me he injured his head in a skiing accident, but I don't believe him."
   

• "I try to keep my homosexual tendency's to a minimum."
   

• "Now everyone at work has seen my girlfriend naked."
   

• "She's not a slut.  There was that year of college when she slept with everyone.
   

• "It has always bothered me that they were 4 Lethal Weapon Movies and only 3 Die Hard ones."
   

• "I have not fallen asleep in a class for awhile, like a month."
   

• "This girl asked me for my number last night.  That does not scream desperation, that screams efficiency."
   

• "Maybe when the Marines realize I am a Jedi, they will give me an easier time."
   

• "They call it trivia, not luck of the stupid hot girls"

• "Do you know how many times I have dropped it like it was hot or shaking it like a Polaroid picture."
   

• Clark's Letter to the author of Harry Potter
   

• "I like Sandy now...it is nice and it doesn't yell at me."
   

• "I feel like Odysseus, I just want to go home."
   

• ""I don't go home with girls, I talk to them."
   

• "If we don't score on this drive, I am going to start drink margaritas."
   

• "It should be legal for consenting adults to challenge each other to a duel and fight a death match."
   

• A girl told Clark that all her friends left and she needed a ride home.  Clarks response was, "try calling your friends and see if they really left."  Then he wonders if this was a subtle hint that she wanted to go home with him.  For some who who is irresistible to all women, he does not seem to know a lot about them.
   

• "I wonder if girls like the fact that I sing along with the songs when we slow dance?"
   

• "I am jacked up on Tuna Fish."
   

• "If we grew up in a place where everyone could make out with their sister, I would not think it was wrong."
   

• " I could never date a girl 10 years younger then me.  I would want to talk about Nintendo and she would have no ideal what I was talking about."
   

• "Gilmore Girls High School is a lot better then Gilmore Girls the college years"
   

• "My daughter is going to be a complete whore. I hope it does not start until after she is eighteen."
   

• "This is my favorite turn in the City of New Orleans."
   

• "I would not want to live in a world of all Clarks,  Well actually that would be pretty cool."
  
  "My daughter is going to be a complete whore. I hope it does not start until after she is eighteen."

  "I am an absolute failure at everything I do, but when I walk into the bar, I still think I am the best looking guy"

  "I don't shoot Goldschlager anymore.  Every time I do it, I end up making out with a fat chick."

  My girlfriend would be pretty hot if she lost some weight and that mustache.

  "I thought for sure I would be digging a hole and putting a body in it within an hour."

  "You give me six guys and I could win the war on drugs.  Just six guys."

  "I don't have a problem with gays getting married anymore.  Straight people have messed it all up.  All they want is gifts when they get married."

  "I am very disappointed in Brittany Spears and Justin Timberlake"

  "There are only 2 times when a man can cry in his life, if he loses a child and when he wins the super bowl."

  "My good date story is when I had to ask the girl for money for the tip."

  "I would be pissed off if there was a school in France called the Fighting Americans."

  "I am sure it is a metaphor for something deeper, but he has scissors for hands."

  "His vulgarity is like a good spice, it is not the main course at dinner."

  "I am not going to let my daughter watch sex and the city and be a whore, I am going to make her watch Transformers so she can learn how to persevere in an alien invasion."

  "I am the most normal person I know. Sometimes I worry that I am so normal that I might be boring."

  " 80% of women have serious problems, the other 19% of women have real problems, so you really only have 1% to choose from."

  "I think I talked too much at dinner last night. When I went to the restroom I told myself not to talk so much, but when I got back to the table I started running my mouth again."

  "It feels like  everything is happening  exactly as it should be, except that I am overweight"